


A Mess

by bebezord



Category: Viper, Weezer (Band)
Genre: One Shot, black album, i just did this for a friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 13:44:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13101417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bebezord/pseuds/bebezord
Summary: Weezer has an idea for the black album, and it involves the weird meme colabboration of Viper. Kill yourself, my man.





	A Mess

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Joao Pedro Gomes Barbosa](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Joao+Pedro+Gomes+Barbosa).



Rivers had a great idea. He’d finally do something no one expected. This was gonna be… His masterpiece. Everyone was gonna love it. If they loved Pinkerton now, they should wait till they hear the Black Album.

\- No.

\- Oh, come on, Pat. You know this is brilliant!

\- Rivers, I… I don’t know what to say, man. What kinda drugs you’ve been taking?

\- Dude, this wasn’t made on drugs! My own fucking mind produced this, I swear!

Pat looked at Brian, who shrugged. They both couldn’t believe what they had heard. Pat was trying to be really patient, like when he explained to Rivers why they couldn’t have an album called “mai waifus”.

\- Okay, now, Rivers, here’s the thing: we’ve worked on this album for months now. We made everything from scratch, we’re almost finished with recording. You really wanna throw it all away?

\- We could use it on our next album!

\- But all the meme references will be stale by then, my dude!

\- Yeah, well, okay, sure, but Pat, you gotta like this new idea at least a little.

Pat sighed. He did kinda like the idea, but it was too risky.

\- Rivers… yeah, it’s a good idea, it sounds fun and all, but… come on.

\- It’s a brand new concept! You gotta have an open mind about this!

\- Let’s make a compromise: we get both albums out, at the same time. What do y’all think? - Brian said.

They both agreed. Seems like they were making something, after all.

\- You’re sure about this?

\- Yeah! What could go wrong?

 

A week goes by, and everything is finally ready for the recording of the Black Album. 

\- He’s an hour late.

\- What did you expect?

\- Yeah, I know, but… I can’t help but think it’s a bad sign. Rivers? What do you think?

Rivers was too busy playing a dating game (in japanese, obviously). Pat screamed his name into the mic, which made the lead singer almost drop his notebook.

\- What the fuck, dude?

Pat was laughing his ass off, when Viper finally arrived.

\- Hey guys.

\- Viper! What’s up?

They exchanged some awkward handshakes, and Viper started inspecting the studio. The band tried to introduce him to the fancy equipment, but Viper answered “I know” to everything they said, so they dropped it pretty quickly.

\- Oh, by the way, sorry I was late –

\- You were gettin’ high, huh? - Rivers said, in a “mom that’s trying hard to befriend her daughter’s friends” way, which wasn’t convincing at all and made Viper think he was accusing him instead of trying to be nice.

\- No, Weezer. I take my job seriously, dude. I was working, I’m a real estate agent.

\- What?

\- Yeah, you think my music is enough to pay my bills? I got child support to pay, man.

\- Oh.

\- Yeah.

A painful silence washed the room.

\- But talk to me about what we doing today. Come on. 

\- Well, you see, the Black Album is an entirely new concept – Rivers started. - We’re gonna take our most popular albums, Pinkerton and Blue, and make covers of them by black artists. Except it won’t be actual covers, because it’s still gonna be weezer doing it, but you’re gonna have control over how to produce it and all.

\- And y’all think this is a good idea?

\- Well… Yeah – Rivers said, not so sure anymore. - Why? You think it’s stupid?

\- Look, my man, all I’m gonna say is I have an artistic integrity. Y’all Weezers probably know what that means. But this artistic integrity of mine also has a price, and you’re paying me way beyond that, so let’s do it!

The band looked at each other, and after some seconds Rivers clapped his hands once and said “okay, let’s do it!”

\- So, what’s your favourite Weezer song?

\- I don’t know any.

\- How come?

\- I’ve never heard of y’all. I was even surprised by how huge your studio was. You Weezers must’ve spent a lot in this.

\- Not really. But dude, come on, we said it on our e-mail. Didn’t you read it?

\- I didn’t have time.

They decided to leave him in the room listening to the albums, while they went out and got some tacos. When they came back, he was jamming to El Scorcho.

\- Hey Weezer! Asian bitches, huh? Can’t beat that!

\- Is this the one you picked?

\- Yeah, my man! Scorcho is my JAM! Okay, so first we need to lower the quality of the sound, make it more muffled, more weird, you know, and fucking slow it the fuck down…

He messed with the controls, creating something that made Brian want to vomit, and started messing with the lyrics, making something Rivers thought was in the fine line line between brilliant and stupid. 

\- Hey, uh, Viper? Sir?

\- Yeah?

\- We don’t understand anything you’re saying.

\- Yeah, dude, that’s my style, my personal brand.

\- Okay, but…

\- Look, if I wanted your fucking input, I would’ve hired you guys, okay? Ha ha.

\- Wow, his laugh is exactly like the one in that song!

\- Yeah, nigga, because it’s my laugh. I created it só people won’t know when I’m finding something funny, or threatening them, or being sarcastic, cos it’s the same fucking laugh.

\- Really works – said Pat, not knowing how to feel.

\- Yeah, I know.

The song, however, didn’t. It was a complete mess, and it sounded like they recorded it in his basement, making the best speakers sound like a crackpipe. Viper loved it.

\- Shit, man, thats fucking dope!

\- Yeah… - they agreed just because they had no idea what to say.

Viper left, without saying anything. They had no idea if he was coming back or not. Honestly, what did they expect?

\- Rivers, are we gonna keep –

\- Oh, no, definitely not – Rivers answered, already knowing what they would’ve said. - We’re putting this shit on a B-side, though.


End file.
